i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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