I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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