woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
