I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
