Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
