sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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