Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
