So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i think i have two assholes
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
