He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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