kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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