I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
