you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
