Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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