I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Randomize