I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
