why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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