Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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