Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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