I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
