I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Randomize
