Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
