Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
he fucked my hip out of place.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
