i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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