Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
