The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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