Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
