it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
