i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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