Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
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