Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
