shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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