Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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