saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
