she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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