There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
It's just like the Real World with babies
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
