yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
My penis needs a shock collar
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
