Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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