My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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