I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
