dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
