and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
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