They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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