Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
