We're like a lot better than the average bears
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize