just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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