piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
