im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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