woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
