hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
