So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize