he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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