is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
