our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
