Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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