oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Randomize