smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
