ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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