I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
