If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Randomize
