I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
