So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
