I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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