I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I would ride that face into the sunset
Randomize
